Let’s get one thing straight right away: gentle parenting is not about giving in to your kids’ every whim or avoiding setting rules and boundaries because you don’t want to upset them.
If someone tells you that, they clearly need to do more research. That kind of approach is actually known as “permissive” parenting.
Gentle parenting, when done correctly, falls under the authoritative parenting style (not to be confused with authoritarian).
Authoritative parents are responsive to their children’s needs. They establish clear boundaries and limits but remain flexible, allowing their children space to learn and grow. They take the time to discuss and explain the reasons behind the rules. While they monitor their children and offer guidance when necessary, they also let natural consequences play out.
On the other hand, authoritarian parents seek control over their children. They impose rules and demands without room for questioning or discussion. Both authoritative and authoritarian parents have high expectations, but the approach they take to achieve those results differs significantly.
Gentle parenting relies on empathy and understanding. It teaches respect. Gentle parenting is used to build strong bonds and raise resilient, confident children. It actually begins with Attachment Parenting during the early stages of infancy and toddlerhood.
Attachment parenting aims to forge a strong bond between the infant and at least one primary caregiver.
Establishing a secure attachment early in life has long-term benefits for the child’s development of future relationships.
Now, let’s dive into some tips for practicing gentle parenting:
1. Minimize yelling, or better yet, avoid it altogether.
Like many of us, regulating my emotions as a child has been one of the most challenging tasks for me as a parent. I’m far from perfect, and I still make mistakes.
However, I’ve made significant progress by slowing down and being more deliberate in my actions and words.
It’s crucial to remember that children learn by example above all else. If I lose my temper and start yelling, my children will learn the same behavior.
By leading with a calm demeanor, we can show our kids that it’s possible to remain composed in stressful situations.
2. Apologize when you make mistakes—every time.
No parent is flawless, and it’s important to acknowledge our imperfections to our children. They need to understand that we’re all human and we stumble at times.
The key is to demonstrate a commitment to doing better. The first step toward improvement is offering a sincere apology and letting them know that we’ll strive to make amends.
3. Listen attentively when your children speak.
Show genuine interest in what they have to say. Encourage open-ended questions that promote conversation.
Not only does this help them develop conversational skills, but it also boosts their self-esteem and reduces anxiety.
It conveys to them that their thoughts and feelings matter, both to you and in the world.
4. Be a role model by using polite language when making requests.
We’ve all fallen into the trap of frantically tidying up after our kids, only to get frustrated and immediately snap at them to pick up their toys or make their bed.
I’m no exception—it’s incredibly challenging to change this habit.
However, I’m actively working on it. The more I adopt a gentle and polite approach, the less resistance and attitude I receive.
As the old saying goes, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”
5. Give your children choices.
Relinquishing power (yes, it’s difficult!) is key. If you’re constantly trying to regain control over your children, you’ll always find yourself in a power struggle.
And boy, do I know how exhausting that can be! The trick to giving choices is to offer only options that are acceptable. Before speaking, carefully consider the choices available. Stick to 2 or 3 options to prevent overwhelming your child.
Remember, giving them the ability to make their own decisions grants them a sense of control over their lives, and it helps develop their decision-making skills for the future.
6. Assist their attention by gently guiding them or offering a hug when asking them to do something for the second time.
I know all too well the frustration of repeating myself endlessly until I reach my breaking point and start yelling.
However, I’ve discovered a helpful strategy: if they don’t hear me the first time, I approach them with a loving and gentle gesture to regain their attention and guide them toward the task at hand.
For instance, when I’ve asked my daughter to brush her teeth and she hasn’t done it yet, I stand beside her, maybe touch her arm or give her a hug, and gently remind her about her teeth before leading her to the bathroom.
This approach has made a tremendous difference! It shows your children that you care by demonstrating affection and eliminates the nagging that can cause them to roll their eyes.
We can become better!
As you can see, gentle parenting is not about allowing our children to run wild, and it’s definitely achievable. It requires honest self-reflection and hard work.
If you want to raise responsible and compassionate individuals, you must start by looking within yourself and identifying areas for improvement.
Let go of the need to defend yourself and move forward with a commitment to become better.
By doing so, you’ll show your children their boundless potential and inspire them to do good as well.
If you found these tips helpful or you want to reference them later, be sure to save this pin to your Pinterest Parenting board!
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