Do you feel anxious about bringing your children to church? Every Sunday morning, as I prepare to bring my children to church, a familiar wave of anxiety washes over me. Will they sit still? Will they be quiet? Will we be able to stay for the entire service?
These questions are common among many parents. But then I remember the words of Jesus: ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’ (Matthew 19:14).
These words remind me of the importance of bringing our children to church, no matter the challenges.
Today, I want to share the strategies I’ve developed to teach my children proper church etiquette and how I’ve learned to manage the anxieties that come with it.
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Bringing Children to Church: Tips for Teaching Etiquette and Overcoming Anxiety
When my family converted to Orthodoxy, my youngest was just over a month old, and my oldest was seven. Thankfully, my oldest daughter didn’t have any trouble behaving in church.
Even though it was her first time, she was old enough to understand how to act in public (most of the time). I didn’t worry about her much, except for reminding her to stand up at the right moments.
However, I was overwhelmed with anxiety about my little one. I was terrified she would start crying or screaming, and I’d have to spend most of the service outside.
Every time she made a noise, my anxiety would spike. In those early days, it felt like everyone was watching and judging me.
Looking back, I realize most people weren’t judging at all—they probably couldn’t even hear her.
Perhaps it was because our parish had many elderly members and not many young children that I felt this way, or maybe it’s just part of being a mom. Who knows!
What I do know is that many other moms feel the same. I’ve heard the question asked time and again: “How do we bring our kids to church and ensure they behave properly?”
I’m not an expert, but I’ve learned a few things over the past few years, and my goal is to help other moms! In this post, I’ll share advice from my own experience and tips I’ve gathered from others.
I hope this will help other moms in the same stage of life feel less anxious and more confident when bringing their little ones to Divine Liturgy.
Let’s start by discussing why it’s so important to bring our children to church.
Why should we bring our children to church?
Bringing children to church is crucial for their spiritual growth. By attending, they not only learn about the faith but also come to see the church as a beautiful place.
They view the community as family and understand that coming to church is like coming home to God.
Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 19:14
One of the most valuable aspects of bringing children to church at a young age is helping them feel like an important part of the community.
This sense of belonging can significantly and positively influence their spiritual development, reinforcing the importance of their faith both at church and in their daily lives.
Here are a few reasons why building these connections is so crucial for our little ones.
Sense Of Belonging
When children attend church regularly, it becomes like a second home to them.
They begin to recognize familiar faces each week, learn to greet others warmly, and form relationships with other parishioners.
Role Models
Being part of a parish gives children access to many positive role models. They observe and interact with adults who embody Christian values such as kindness, patience, generosity, and forgiveness.
These interactions can leave lasting impressions and inspire children to imitate and acquire these qualities in their own lives.
Learning Through Observation
Children learn primarily by example. You can repeatedly tell them how to behave, but if you don’t demonstrate it, they likely won’t learn.
By attending church, children observe acts of worship, prayer, and community service.
They see firsthand the importance of faith in action and start to understand how their beliefs can be expressed through their actions and interactions with others.
Involvement in Church Activities
Many churches offer activities for children, such as Sunday School, youth groups, and family events. By participating, children learn more about their faith in an exciting and engaging way.
These activities also give them opportunities to contribute to the community, whether through singing in the choir, helping with a service project, or participating in a play or skit.
Support During Challenges
Life is often challenging, with many ups and downs that affect both children and adults alike.
Having a parish to turn to can provide emotional and spiritual support during difficult times.
Preparing to Bring Children to Church
The first step in taking your children to church starts at home. We need to prepare our children for the day and also prepare ourselves.
We need to calm our anxieties and know that whatever happens, we will make it through the day. Trust in God and have faith!
Practice and Prayer
By praying and worshiping at home, your little one will learn the proper behavior more easily. As Orthodox Christians, we usually have an Icon/Prayer Corner somewhere in our home.
This is a great place to let your little ones practice by saying prayers with you, venerating icons, and singing hymns together.
Establishing a Routine
To start your Sunday morning, create a consistent routine that you follow each week. Children thrive on routines and knowing what to expect.
By maintaining the same routine every Sunday, your children will understand that it’s time to get ready for church.
In the Orthodox Church, we fast before communion, which means no breakfast or coffee beforehand. This fasting is part of our family’s consistent routine before church.
In the morning, we prioritize Daily Readings, then proceed directly to dressing in our best clothes and preparing for church.
Discussing Expectations
If your children have misbehaved before, it’s helpful to clearly explain your expectations and how you want them to behave. Even if they might not fully understand yet, it’s good to start this practice early.
Be gentle when you communicate these expectations and explain why it’s important.
Packing Essentials
I have a dedicated bag that we use for attending Divine Liturgy every Sunday at church. This bag contains all the items we might need during church.
It’s always stocked with essentials and ready to go, making our Sunday mornings stress-free without the need to scramble for things.
What’s In Our Children’s Church Bag?
You might choose different items for your church bag based on your family’s needs. These are just the items we take and why I find them helpful and important.
For the Younger Littles
For young children, I ensure that any toy in the bag is noise-free, soft, and lightweight. Toddlers and babies often enjoy banging hard objects on the floor or pews, which can be distracting.
Good options include small stuffed animals, pop-it toys, pacifiers (binkies), or burp cloths.
Younger children might also need a snack or a bottle to keep them content during church. Although we fast before communion in the Orthodox Church, snacks are acceptable for little ones.
As they grow older, it’s good to gradually help them understand and follow fasting requirements. If you have questions or concerns, don’t hesitate to speak with your parish priest for guidance.
Other essentials to consider include items like wet wipes, a water bottle, and extra diapers if needed.
Toddlers
For toddlers, including small picture books is wonderful. In our bag, we have a board book from the Ancient Faith Store and another small book from Potamitis Publishing.
You can also get “I Pray Today” through Amazon.
It’s beneficial to choose Christian books so your children can connect the stories with what they see in church. Icons of Jesus, the Theotokos, saints, and Bible scenes are abundant in Orthodox churches.
My little one enjoys finding these pictures in her books and then spotting them on the walls of our church’s nave.
Older Kids
For older children, and even toddlers, we carry battery-operated writing tablets. These allow them to write or draw freely and erase as much as they want. You could just use a notebook and pencil too.
You might wonder why we bring something that could distract our kids from church activities. That’s a valid question.
However, in my experience, children remain much calmer when they have a way to keep their hands occupied. It also helps them focus better on hymns, chants, and sermons.
Teaching Church Etiquette
Practice at Home
For Orthodox Christians, a wonderful way to help children practice good behavior at home is during morning and evening prayers.
Encourage them to participate as much as they can, standing with you at your icon corner. Provide icons for them to venerate and involve them in selecting which incense to use each day.
This helps them understand the significance of our faith in our daily lives.
Gradual Exposure
When introducing young children to church, it can be beneficial to start with shorter or smaller portions of the service, but attend consistently each week.
Young children have short attention spans, so maintaining a regular routine helps them acclimate to being in church.
Over time, you can gradually extend the duration of their attendance until they can manage the entire service.
This may not be necessary for some children, it just depends on what each little can handle.
Positive Reinforcement
I forget this sometimes and occasionally need a reminder, but it’s important to consistently praise our children when they behave well.
A simple “Thank you for doing that” or “Good job,” accompanied by a smile, can make a significant impact!
Engage with the Service
Teach your children about the different parts of the church service and encourage their participation. Children learn best by imitating, so sing along to the hymns together.
Show them how to make the sign of the cross and explain when it’s appropriate to do so.
Here’s a tip I’ve heard from many others, though I haven’t personally tried it: consider sitting up front instead of in the back.
While sitting in the back may seem like an easy exit strategy in case of a tantrum (and it is), sitting up front allows children to see and engage more fully with the service.
They can observe all the aspects of the Liturgy, which can help them stay focused longer and understand better what’s happening.
Managing Misbehavior and Anxieties
Staying Calm
When dealing with children in church, they may occasionally misbehave or become distracting. It’s important to stay calm.
If you need to talk to your child, get down to their eye level. Clearly explain what behavior you expect from them.
Instead of focusing on what they shouldn’t do, it’s more effective to tell them what you want them to do. For instance, you could say, “Sweetie, please stand up and sing along with us.”
Take Short Breaks
If your child becomes too distracting and gentle corrections don’t help, it’s okay to take them out of the service for a while. Just be cautious not to make it a reward.
With babies, it’s not a big issue since they don’t understand much, and a change of scenery can often calm crying fits.
If you need to take out a toddler, avoid letting them play or run around. This can teach your toddler that they just need to be unruly so they can go outside and play.
We want our children to WANT to be at church. When my little is misbehaving, I pick her up, carry her to the narthex and hold her until she settles down and understands she can rejoin the service quietly.
Remember to embrace imperfection. It’s normal for children to have occasional outbursts. Patience and persistence are key to navigating these moments.
Rest assured, no one is judging you—most likely, they remember facing similar challenges in their own lives.
Support From the Church Community
Don’t hesitate to reach out to your Parish for support when you need it. Experienced parents are often willing to share advice if you ask.
Remember the older women in the Parish whose own children have grown up—they often enjoy holding babies and helping with little ones again.
If you need to take one of your children to the bathroom or out to the narthex for a quick break, feel free to ask someone to watch your other children for a few minutes.
One day, when your children are grown, you can pay it forward and help another mom in the same way.
It’s crucial to nurture a Parish culture that embraces and supports families with young children. As the age-old saying goes, “If the church ain’t crying, the church is dying!”
So please, keep bringing your children to church as much as possible!
Personal Tips and Experiences
Looking at my own experience, I feel lucky. My little one generally behaves well at church. Establishing a habit of attending Liturgy every Sunday has been key.
It’s now part of her routine and a familiar part of her life. The Divine Liturgy feels like a second home to her, with the people there being like family.
She feels safe and secure, knowing what behavior is expected.
I still feel a bit anxious and self-conscious when my child gets a little rowdy. However, I’ve noticed that most of the time, even though I can hear her, the majority of the parishioners cannot.
Remember, you’re sitting right next to your children, so you’re naturally going to hear them more clearly than others.
In the Orthodox Church, chanting and sometimes a choir singing throughout the service often help drown out any noise your children might make.
Key Takeaways
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Most mothers experience similar challenges at church. Feeling nervous or anxious when bringing our children is normal.
Key tips to help you along the way include attending church regularly with your children, starting with shorter durations initially, taking breaks as necessary, and having items prepared to help them stay attentive and quiet during the service.
QUESTION: What tips do you have for other moms bringing their children to church?
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